Lorna Byrne says:
“No matter how much love you receive from your own mother, if you have a mother, this angel always enhances a mother’s love.”*
“…. and the Angel of Mother’s Love knew I needed to feel a mother’s love at that time, to feel more love, perhaps, than my mother was able to give me.”*
It seems that translating that book matches perfectly with my own emotional state.
I am really slow these days. Life is catching up on me, but I am too tired of it. Sometimes I feel like I need to run away for a week, hide somewhere with no TV, no Internet, no cell phone coverage… and all I need is a big hug to fall into and rest.
I’m sick and tired. Really! I don’t know if this has to teach me of more patience or to speak up my mind or…
But I do feel like a hospital attendant, cleaner, cook and housekeeper at the same time in the last couple of weeks.
I get up and start to clean. I have to vacuum clean the kitchen, where you sleep; the corridor and the loo, if I don’t want bring around the remains of your sickness spread on the floor, whenever you go. If I do it early in the morning, I might have to repeat the procedure in the afternoon, as new pile has spread up across the carpets.
I have to bring you food in bed. You’re too stiff to get up. I have to bear the loud TV – you can’t hear it well, because of the pain.
Oh, yes, fill in the bottles with more water, so that they’re within hand’s reach and don’t spill. Pour you a cup of juice as you want something different from the water, but you’re too stiff to get up.
And run all the small errands you want me to without complaining or saying a word.
“Don’t forget that you have to prepare dinner for your father and brother!!! Why don’t you use this and pour the liquid in that. Cut it like this, not the way you do it. Don’t forget to add…” Grrrr, stop it! I am not ten any more. And if you want me to do something, let me do it myself. I do NOT need your guidance any more. I will ask, if I do!
You can get up early and make them breakfast, but you cannot cook the dinner?!? How come? You can fold yourself to fill in the washing machine, but you can’t stretch to put the laundry on the ropes to dry up. How come?
Oh, yes. It’s easier for you someone else to do it. It’s easier just to lie in bed and complain about the acute form of your sickness. Though just a month ago you’ve seen that you can improve, ‘cause you did, and you can stay like that – it just requires a little effort. But NO! You don’t want to go and visit the doctor. You won’t eat strong food to improve. You won’t stop the coffee. You won’t eat the food I’ve prepared for the rest of the family.
You’ve heard on TV years ago that it’s incurable and it’s easier for you. It’s your excuse to expect everyone to help you and be around you. To treat you with respect and attention. To serve you. To tiptoe around you.
Well, I am sick and tired. I am pissed off. And I need rest.
I know that I won’t tell you that F2F, ‘cause even if I do and the end everyone will blame me again for your condition. I am the bad one. I am the one that cannot keep her mouth shut and tells the evil truth. I am the one who causes you distress by saying the truth and your condition aggravated again, just when you started improving.
But I’m tired and pissed off. And I’ll type it up.
I’m just wondering … who would do it for you, if I were married and lived away??
I just need a hug. A thank you now and then, for doing YOUR job.
A hug from the Angel of Mother’s Love, ‘cause I know that I won’t get one from you. You are too sick to do it (or at least that is your excuse for everything you don’t want to do).
Now I’ll get back to my translation, ‘till you beep me again to run the next errand for you.
* Both quotes are taken from Lorna Byrne’s book “Angels in my hair”
