The Lone Wolf

Redemption. This was the first word that occurred to me with the last sentence of the book. Redemption for what we've done; redemption from what we've suffered.

The Lone Wolf is a touching story of two people struggling to find their place in life and their true self, two souls which have suffered more than enough, two human beings who have discovered that we are the loneliest in our darkest hours.

I was reading the book on the brink of the NY eve. I started it the day before and was engulfed in cooking and etc. preparations for the NY on the 31st. I was feeling lonely. I’ve had the feeling for a while – holidays make me feel like that – they are happy, but yet they are lonely, ‘cos I don’t have “a second half” to share them with. It was a quiet NY eve at home with the parents and my brother. We just sat round the table, had dinner and watched TV. Time was passing, but even TV was boring, so I got back to the book, I wanted to know further – what would happen. Would Kasey manage to fix her marriage, or would she choose Andrew for a happily ever after? Frankly, I was hoping for the latter, but nothing had prepared me for how the book really ended.

10 minutes to midnight. It’s time to leave the book and get to the countdown and the champagne and fireworks.

So, NY has passed and was tucked back in bed with my Kindle, continuing the story. I couldn’t leave it. Till the end.

A twist of fate and I gasped – no, no, that can’t happen, I can’t believe it. OK, now what? I kept reading. Will they finally get together? Why is he lingering? Oh, come on.

And another twist. I didn’t expect that ending. Not that one!

As everyone else I’ve had my ups and downs. I’ve loved and I’ve been loved, even in cases when I couldn’t respond with the same.

But maybe what touched me most was the quote:

“You’re keeping me at arm’s length because you don’t want to get hurt, don’t want to depend on me and then have me fail you when you need me most.”

Just think of the many times we’ve done it in our lives – we withdraw ‘cos we’ve been hurt before. We feel lonely, but we don’t dare to ask for help, ‘cos we’re afraid that we cannot return the favour later on, that the other one may require more. We desperately need love, but at the same time we’ve built stone walls round our hearts and we’re just hoping that someone will come and take them down, someone else will save us from ourselves.

Yet, real life is not like that. The others may try to reach us through the walls, but we are the ones that should destroy them and walk ahead. We are the ones to open up our hearts and our souls and grant love, unconditional love to the world, to spread light and love, to be accepting and forgiving.

We are the ones to search for redemption. No! Not search – to grant ourselves redemption, to see the light and walk with raised head towards the tomorrow in our lives.

It made me think:

•       For all the children that live in families with abusive parents and make me feel grateful that I had a pretty decent one. They didn’t divorce, though they were on the brink of it at some point at my teenage-hood. They might have not been perfect, but I was spared the drama of some of my classmates – no arguments, no beating, no cheating…
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•      For all the children that were tossed around relatives and considered as second quality – I might have not received equal amount of love from both of my parents, but at least one of them compensated for the other – we had and still have our small quirks and I can feel the warmth and the love
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•        For all the parents that decide to stay together despite the fact that their marriage is over, just because they think that the child or the children they have will suffer less, than if they break up.
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•        For all the opportunities I had in life so far – for a satisfied lifestyle – my family might have not been rich, but yet I’ve had and still have more than enough – roof and a warm meal, clothes and electronics
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•        I am also grateful that I have not suffered a real war.

I am grateful – for the love and for the light, for every new day coming my way, as no one knows which one will be their last.

Thank you for the book, Story Cartel. With the shrinking markets and the lousy economy, it might not find a publishing house to translate it and distribute it in order to reach the wide audience in my country, but it reached me and it touched me. Very much!